“We were upset to learn that students were fully submerged in hope, after diving in head-first and splashing about in it,” said Johnson Bowles, VP for Advancement at Warren Wilson.
Bowles said school officials first realized students were swimming in hope when a routine examination in the Office of Academic Affairs revealed more than 95 percent of Warren Wilson students were majoring in Environmental Studies.
“We cross-referenced our findings with those of other colleges, and were shocked to learn that, in the year 2030, four out of every five citizens will have a degree in Environmental Studies,” said Bowles.
Bowles said the pool has been completely drained of hope and disinfected with a Masters in Business Administration.
Warren Wilson College has encountered issues with its pool before, notably during the “Philosophy” outbreak of 1999 and the “Comparative Literature” scare of 1996.